I had a lovely day today with my hubby. We went to Cafe Rouge for lunch thanks to Tescos points. About a week ago I exchanged my £7.50 on my clubcard for £30.00 worth of Cafe Rouge vouchers. We had a really tasty lunch. You have to pay for drinks we just had 2 diet cokes. I guess we could have just asked for tap water. So it was a frugal meal it came to about £6.00. We used two £10.00 Cafe rouge vouchers & saved a £10.00 one for another time as they do breakfast. We both said how lovely it was to just be......normal!
It been a funny time & I am very fragile. I guess somewhat depressed to. I know this as I feel quite negative & have been sort of cannot be bothered with anything. Lacked motivation & can cry at the drop of a pin. As well as feeling tired & nervy.
I met the social worker yesterday by myself. I found it hard not to cry on & off through the meeting. I told her i could not take anymore stress. The plan is that come December she wants me/us to have some some contact with my daughter. I guess 4 years of stress have finally caught up with me as I cannot face to see her. The social worker told me she has gone & got another tatoo on her back. It does upset me. There is one on her wrist & one on the hip bone area to. I have no tattoos & I just know she will regret it one day. Especially worrying that they are not professional ones either. The two that I have seen (I never knew till after the event)look like someone has taken a black marker pen and drawn on herself. Thats not to mention who is doing the tatoos?. I hope they follow health & safety.
Apparantly she has come in at the foster house in the middle of the day smelling of alchol a few times. The social worker mentioned Ocd & how everything my daughter does is quite outrageous & aimed at getting attention from all different directions. She has told the social worker she wants a baby. The foster lady is going to take her to a mother & baby unit at some point. To show her the reality. The social worker does agree that usually what my daughter fixates herself on she normally does do. I know the social worker knows that my daughter is safest with us. I feel that I have to think of us all here. Of course I love her & I hate to think of her coming to harm. But with the different risk taking behaviour it does come to mind that she will come to harm.
I am going to get me better & stronger and take each day as it comes.
Now hopefully I will get round your blogs this weekend & catch up with all your lovely blogs, that cheer me up & give me other things to think about x x x