At the moment I am feeling very pmt & emotional(whats new lately!).
I know I need to look after myself. I worry about hubby,son & especially my daughter. I ran a nice bath tonight & cried in the bath. I do not seem to be able to do much without water works at the moment!. I feel like this is my difficult time. I do feel rejected. I guess as a mum you want your children to be safe & close. All the things that are happening are not within my control. I always thought I would be in control.
I have let lots slip. My diet has been terrible reaching for comfort food. Over wholesome food. Not been out the house much at all. Been so negative & have found it hard to see anything positive in any aspect of my life. I know I am going through a bad stage. It does not help that I am not working as this has created added pressure especially as an unexpected 6 month water bill dropped in. So I am overdrawn. Yet I know I must find work but I do feel fragile.
I have felt like running away. I have even had thoughts where I have felt selfishly that if I was not here then I would not have to feel upset/pain. I never would as I have my family & my mum& dad. But I would be lying if I had said it had not come in to my mind. I feel so awful for saying that.
My family are so important to me thats why I feel devastated about my daughter. Maybe I do not deal with things well. Maybe other people are made of stronger stuff. Maybe I need a good kick up the backside. I have not spoken to my daughter since Friday. I have gone through a stage of not wanting to as I feel that she did this to us. I feel awful for saying that. I find that she just gets on with things & sees all her friends & I am here broken hearted.
Sorry my blog should be called no more crying!
I'm sorry about everything. I hope everything gets better.
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One day it will get better and all be sorted out but until then, please, take care of yourself. I think it's time to take a step back from your daughter and let her get on with it. She's making everybody unhappy but seems to be doing fine herself. Get on with looking after yourself. I'd hate to hear you became ill because of all this. Thinking of you x
ReplyDeleteno you don't need a kick up the backside, you need a big hug, and safe place to fall apart for a while, tears help, just do whatever gets you through each day at the moment, I imagine you would still be in shock at all that happened, it's only natural to be so shaken up.
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Don't be hard on yourself hun :( All the different feelings you are having are all part of the healing process. The loss fo your daughter from the family unit is like a bereavment, lots of different feelings - from sadness to anger. Stay strong. Sue x x
ReplyDeleteBIG, BIG HUGS TO YOU! LOTS OF LOVE SFT X
ReplyDeleteHello No Spend Days. Not heard from you for some days now and I'm hoping your okay. Been thinking about you and hope your doing okay x
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