Sunday, 30 October 2011
At the moment I am feeling very pmt & emotional(whats new lately!).
I know I need to look after myself. I worry about hubby,son & especially my daughter. I ran a nice bath tonight & cried in the bath. I do not seem to be able to do much without water works at the moment!. I feel like this is my difficult time. I do feel rejected. I guess as a mum you want your children to be safe & close. All the things that are happening are not within my control. I always thought I would be in control.
I have let lots slip. My diet has been terrible reaching for comfort food. Over wholesome food. Not been out the house much at all. Been so negative & have found it hard to see anything positive in any aspect of my life. I know I am going through a bad stage. It does not help that I am not working as this has created added pressure especially as an unexpected 6 month water bill dropped in. So I am overdrawn. Yet I know I must find work but I do feel fragile.
I have felt like running away. I have even had thoughts where I have felt selfishly that if I was not here then I would not have to feel upset/pain. I never would as I have my family & my mum& dad. But I would be lying if I had said it had not come in to my mind. I feel so awful for saying that.
My family are so important to me thats why I feel devastated about my daughter. Maybe I do not deal with things well. Maybe other people are made of stronger stuff. Maybe I need a good kick up the backside. I have not spoken to my daughter since Friday. I have gone through a stage of not wanting to as I feel that she did this to us. I feel awful for saying that. I find that she just gets on with things & sees all her friends & I am here broken hearted.
Sorry my blog should be called no more crying!
Posted by Mrs No Spend at 12:41