Friday, 28 October 2011

Feels Like.......

"People think that it is holding on that makes you stronger,but sometimes its letting go"

Before I write anything I want to say a big heart felt thank you.  Thank you for reading & thank you for your kind comments & wise words.  You have helped me more than you will ever know. Its helped me to just put it down & share.  Like I say the stress has been ongoing for years with regards to DD (dear daughter).  I have gone through all sorts of feelings, thoughts over time. From feeling like a crap mum because this was not what my idea of being a mum was like. I guess I thought it would be more joyful! . I did not expect a bed of roses but I did not see all this coming. I did not realize how hard & complicated it was going to be.  How sad it is.
I got a call from DD yesterday wants clothes & stuff packed for school on Monday. I packed stuff up this morning & its been dropped of by hubby.  At the moment she is with an emergency placement on Monday DD will be moved to a family!. I feel hurt & rejected. I feel she should be with her family  at 14 years old.  I spoke to her yesterday & I said " Are you doing lots of reflecting?". DD said "Look mum I do not want to talk about that , I do not want to argue" & that was that.  I feel like she has rejected her family.Here is where she is safe,loved & cared for.  I find it hard as there are probably homes where it would be best for a child not to live for whatever reason. Yet this home is a safe haven.  Yet DD does not want that.  DD is still wanting a baby.  It feels strange that she is going to another family when there is a perfectly good one here.  Yet on the other hand I feel like I cannot take anymore.
I feel brighter than I did a week ago but it is hard packing DD clothes together.  On Monday she wants all her stuff & her music system packed up and delivered to  the new home.  Social services want her back with us but I know they find her a force to be reckoned with. Especially with wanting a baby as she refuses to come home unless we accept that!?.  I cannot turn round and say "yeah sure!" . So for the time being I am letting her go.  A day at a  time.  I tell myself dd may well have moved out when 17, its come rather early.
But thank you again x x


  1. Oh my. I'm so sorry. I would be very hurt by her actions. I can't believe that.

  2. Hello hun, you really have been through the wringer with your emotions this week haven't you. So pleased that you both made it in one piece to Friday. What will be will be. She'll always be your daughter and I'm sure she will return in her own time and then realise just what a smashing family she does have for putting up with all her woes. Doctors orders is a nice chilled weekend, maybe a visit to a coffee shop tomorrow afternoon for a latte, a large piece of coffee and walnut cake and a bit of me time - well that' s what works for me anyway! Take care. Sue x x

  3. sue's right, be gentle on yourself and take a little time out for something nice. ((hugs))

  4. I agree, find something nice to do this weekend to take you mind off it, have a little treat.

    Spend time with your OH and son, cherish what is going well in life.

    God bless.


    Sft x

  5. As you say take one day at a time. Try and relax this weekend, even if it's just a soak in the bath with a magazine & bar of chocolate (one of my favourite "cheap" treats. Take care x



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