Before I write anything I want to say a big heart felt thank you. Thank you for reading & thank you for your kind comments & wise words. You have helped me more than you will ever know. Its helped me to just put it down & share. Like I say the stress has been ongoing for years with regards to DD (dear daughter). I have gone through all sorts of feelings, thoughts over time. From feeling like a crap mum because this was not what my idea of being a mum was like. I guess I thought it would be more joyful! . I did not expect a bed of roses but I did not see all this coming. I did not realize how hard & complicated it was going to be. How sad it is.
I got a call from DD yesterday wants clothes & stuff packed for school on Monday. I packed stuff up this morning & its been dropped of by hubby. At the moment she is with an emergency placement on Monday DD will be moved to a family!. I feel hurt & rejected. I feel she should be with her family at 14 years old. I spoke to her yesterday & I said " Are you doing lots of reflecting?". DD said "Look mum I do not want to talk about that , I do not want to argue" & that was that. I feel like she has rejected her family.Here is where she is safe,loved & cared for. I find it hard as there are probably homes where it would be best for a child not to live for whatever reason. Yet this home is a safe haven. Yet DD does not want that. DD is still wanting a baby. It feels strange that she is going to another family when there is a perfectly good one here. Yet on the other hand I feel like I cannot take anymore.
I feel brighter than I did a week ago but it is hard packing DD clothes together. On Monday she wants all her stuff & her music system packed up and delivered to the new home. Social services want her back with us but I know they find her a force to be reckoned with. Especially with wanting a baby as she refuses to come home unless we accept that!?. I cannot turn round and say "yeah sure!" . So for the time being I am letting her go. A day at a time. I tell myself dd may well have moved out when 17, its come rather early.
But thank you again x x