I am not having a good day today. I am feeling full of anxiety, headachey & feeling sorry for myself. Which is terrible as there are so many sad things going on in the news.
I am just thinking about stuff . DD to be honest she is staying with us a couple a days a week every week. Everything is peachy & we are all getting on. But I cant help but be sad, as it wasn't how I wanted my family to be . I wanted us all together. But no I couldn't cope with the challenges that my very challenging daughter brought. They were extreme challenges I think I will always have hang ups and sadness about it all. Its the going over things that gives me the anxiety. I was always nervous as a youngster about different things
Coupled with depression & anxiety I find it hard ......... Coupled with feeling like the worst mother in the world because I couldn't control my daughter & she wouldn't listen to me anyway. Its hard to explain it all. But its like feeling like you have been in the washing machine for a very long time, you feel rung out. I am finding it hard to be positive & move forward.
You are not the worst mother, you are doing what is right for you and your daughter, and her only beign there a few days a week may make all the difference in her behvaiour. My sister was unruly to the extreme as a teenager and I often think that if my mum was able to do as you have then maybe things would have been different, but she was unable to.
ReplyDeleteYou may need this time to be miserable, and process your thoughts and feelings, gve yourself a little time, then
(I know easier said then done) focus on the positive, things are better, everytime a negative thought pops in your head, tell yourself no, and keep yourself busy. And just use the time to rebuild your self while your daughter is not there. As i know as a sibling when my sister was out of control it took its toll on me, and watching my mother suffer through it, so those days use them to regain your strength and get mentally healthy. Big big hugs
You are not a bad mother - far from it in my opinion. I've been reading your blog for a long time now, and I'm struck by how well you have coped with what sounded like an intolerable situation that had the potential to pull your family apart completely. It sounds as if huge strides have been made if your daughter is back with you for part of the week and that things are good when she is there - that's a massive positive, and you should be proud of that achievement. Sending huge hugs. x
ReplyDeleteAnxiety is horrible,I know how it feels.You have done the very best you could you have to remember that,we can all only cope with so much until we break.You have held together and the other members of your family probably have their own feelings of what if? You just quietly make time for yourself each day to think of the good things in your life,just little bits perhaps like that lovley quiet cup of tea you sipped and looked at the world around you,take one day at a time, this girl will be a woman soon and she will know the value of a mother,she will only then see what chaos she caused and will herself be a Mum one day and Karma will step in lol.
ReplyDeleteJust remember to breathe,know you are not alone out there we are family that have read your blog for a very long time and we know how wonderful you are,you can always email one of us,i know I would love it and get things off your chest,if only we could all pop round and share morning tea with you we could bighten each other up.I have not blogged so much in recent times as a broken heart from family matters was too early to talk about but in Gods grace it is all good now,so I will tell my little story one day,compared to yours it is nothing,I am so proud of you and so must your husband and rest of your family be. God bless xx
because I just found your blog today and this post was such a heart breaking one i decided I should go back and read past posts, which I did.
ReplyDeleteI echo the sentiments of the previous com mentors, you are doing just fine, much better than most I would say, please be happy, but if you feel the need to vent then this is the perfect place, among friends, never feel bad for telling the truth, its quite refreshing to find someone like you, there are far too many who would like us to believe all is perfect in their worlds, honesty is quite refreshing, I intend on following your journey, best wishes from Canada
Just popped back to check on you and send a cyber hug..bless you all will be well..you are woman and therefor strong..(some days ) lol lots of hugs your way xx ..honestly
ReplyDeleteHope you are okay, and haven't posted because you are busy with the house sale rather than because you are sad. Thinking of you and sending big hugs through the blogosphere x
ReplyDeleteI am also concerned that you haven't posted for ages. Please let us all know you are ok.
ReplyDeleteSft x